February

Well hello and good afternoon. Did you miss me? I! sincerely! missed! this space of sharing, play, exploration. To be fair, January has no business as the Gregorian calendar/self-imposed time of productivity simply as it’s the deepest and best hibernation time for humans and animals alike. I was mainly prompted to be here with you today by an admirer who told me he missed me so much he went back and read all of my posts throughout the past year during last month’s absence. Here, you can do the same starting with last January’s substack. Can more men truly allow themselves to crave, to desire, to yearn? That’s your job today. Yearn. Yearn hard. Sit with it. Sit some more. Don’t fight it.

I like that.

Yes, let’s get this out of the way. . . my Twitter is currently suspended as of this morning. Yes, I’m a bit heartbroken. It’s my first time; I suppose a rite of passage. While I work on the possibility of getting this recovered I wish to thank every last one of you (so much!) who is here with me, it’s exactly why we have this space. It should be difficult to lose one another. I want it to be impossible to lose our connection in the midst of all-angle censorship. Do you have my website easily accessible to you? How about all my links? My email address? (I'll allow you to do that important one on your own.) These are the important questions. This is the homework. One: Yearn. Two: Keep everything in a safe place so if everything burns to ashes, which it very well may, we can still be together dancing in the embers.

January was a slow-moving, intentional period. I listened to an audiobook each week beginning with the short but beautiful and tragic Giovanni’s Room by the great James Baldwin (I loved it. Each ‘page’ was a painful, necessary weight dropped onto my chest allowing for great pause and reflection), dipped into Heated Rivalry with my friends, and spent more than one evening at Soho House sipping tea on their gorgeous no-phones/no-camera floors— you’ll just have to use your imagination. I ended the month with a Catherine O’Hara movie marathon- truly one of the funniest people on the planet. Rest forever, our queen. I’ve been cooking a lot (thank you to TWO lovers who sent my favorite olive oil, they quite literally arrived on the same day leaving me both astonished and smiling ear to ear). I love to cook. It’s moving meditation for me. Like sex, it engages all the senses… forces you to be exactly where you are with the ingredients you chose… incredible. I find both cooking and cleaning to be incredibly cathartic. I am my own perfect housewife.

I write to you this afternoon from a Yemeni coffee shop. Their coffee has notes of cardamom, dried fruit, chocolate, cinnamon. It’s even a little bit spicy. Special. I’m mapping out the year ahead of me. Ahead of us. Where will it take me? Some of that has to do with me. Much of that has to do with you- the key has always been in your hand. I will inevitably hit up Seattle and New York to visit suitors multiple times this year, all dates to be determined. I wish to hug my dear friends in Sweden this year. I want to return to Iceland (a place I’ve been 4x and am still not at all tired of). I want to travel to Spain with said friends from Sweden. I want a long weekend in Miami. A day hike in Vegas. I want to drive through Joshua Tree. I’d like to be scooped up and taken to a beautifully designed suite by my lover for a long, wonderfully nasty night. Sound about right?

Anyone with eyes knows that everything is absolutely insane in the external world atm. My internal world and own vessel is the only place I can really comfortably be in, so I’ve been putting a lot of energy into making it wonderful. Thank you to those of you who keep my spirit high year-round. I say this regularly but our relationships are the best push and pull, give and take I’ve ever known. I’m fully in. Thank you to those of you who have booked special evenings with me out to both March and April. I love the slow process of becoming excited to see you, planning our date, the ritual of getting ready to entangle together, and showing up as my best self, right on time, as requested.

February newsletter out.

catch you again shortly,

sr